I was just at the local Walmart-equivalant supermarket and perusing the Media section. Not to purchase anything mind you, as I dont have the money for fun things (except booze, the funnest of all) anymore, but being as I used to run a small retail store that for intents and purposes WAS the Media Section of a Walmart, I find it incumbent upon myself to check up on any new devices, price drops on older technology, and what’s now taking up space in the Clearance bin. Call it professional curiosity, call it taking up time since I dont have anything better do, it doesnt matter.
So I’m strolling through the aisles and in the one across from me (the gondolas inbetween are only about 5 feet tall, so I can easily see over them, since I’m not a dwarf) this lady calls one of the store associates over to ask if they have any card readers. The kid, who honestly is a kid probably 16 by way of peach fuzz, has absolutely no clue what she’s talking about. She pulls out her digital camera to show him and explains it’s needed for her memory card. He’s got nothing. He calls over another associate and they both start explaining to him what she’s looking for. THIS associate is now drawing a blank. Really guys? A card reader. This isnt hi-tech spy technology we’re talking about here, it’s a simple device I assume most people have or have at least used once or twice in their lives.
This mass clusterfuck of confusion suddenly starts scratching at me. That old retail mindset is slowly starting to creep in, like a lost pet you kicked out because it pissed on all your furniture and bit the shit out of your friends and family. Only it wasnt a pet at all, it was the Devil doing it all just for laughs. I can feel it. What’s really stirring the pot even worse: THEY ARE ALL STANDING DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE CARD READERS. I mean it, it is on the shelf right in front of them, clear as zippidy-doo-da day. The Devil is on my shoulders and I find myself pretending like I need something in that aisle so I push my cart over and pick up discontinued crap. I’m giving them one last chance, but the second associate decides to be all intrepid and goes back to the Media Office. Because I guess the answer to where and what a card reader is resides somewhere within. They all walk back with him, so I strut right up to the card readers and yell: “Actually, the card readers are right here”. They all have a good laugh at the fact that not only were they all dumb, they werent attentive either. The lady grabs one and before I get pulled in to any more retail-related shenanigans, I decide it’s time to exit stage left. I turn around to leave and I hear her ask the first associate: “Well this says it takes SD cards…I’m not sure what that means. And what’s HC mean?”
The kid is desperately trying to cull some bullshit from the deep down somewhere in his mind, he’s obviously a newb. I could have bullshitted this lady into thinking I was the goddamn President. Or Batman, like in my dreams. But he’s stammering, he’s drowning quick and the Spectre of Retail is firmly perched upon my shoulder, egging me on.
“SD means Secure Digital. It’s the standard memory card”
“Oh, well what about HC?”
“High Capacity. It’s more advanced cards, that card reader can use either/or. You’re fine. Buy that”
“Oh thank you!” The associate realizes I’ve been pulled into the tractor beam and promptly takes his leave. But she’s not done: “Is Kodak a good brand?”
“I wouldnt buy any cameras by them, but there arent too many ways you can screw up a card reader, so you should be fine with that one. In fact…” I pull one off the shelf that’s cheaper, “this one uses less cards but since all you need is an SD card reader, it’s cheaper so a much better deal”. She thanks me profusely and makes a comment that I should be making commission from the store. I joke that I’ll ask them to cut me a check when I go to pay for my food. In some people, those retail sensibilities can never be unlearned.
She leaves and I am about to as my good deed was done for the day. I can go home now feeling satisfied with myself that I helped someone I had absolutely no obligation to. Suddenly, somebody taps me on the shoulder. I turn around to see a man, he wants to know where he can find ethernet cables. I’m not making this up, he heard the whole exchange between me and the lady and recognized retail greatness when he saw it.
I told him I dont know. I dont get paid to do that anymore.
